Much On My Mind Today


My outstation friends landed at my home this morning at 2 am.  They were on their way to Bali for a short holiday. They made a stop before KLIA.  Yeeha! Enjoy gang. Life is indeed short (too common), therefore live to its fullest.

As for me, cant really sleep soon after till morning. Too many things inside my head. I felt different and sad for no particular reason. You been there? You know how i feel? Sigh.

There would be times, I supposed all of us sometimes feel low for no particular reason at all. But we know, there is something inside our mind. Something that bothers, but we are just having difficulty identifying.

Weekend is fast approaching. Time really flies.  I know I need to do something but what is it??? Or perhaps, I do not have the courage, I dont know what to do, I cant decide? God, I dont know.

This sound stupid really but i hope this thing wont stay too long.  Hani, get up!

Relationship in a Relationship

Hey ūüôā

What is that?? Errr.. relationship in a relationship? Well, am not too sure myself but I just got to write this one.  Its been inside my head for as long as I can remember.  Lets share this one eh.

Relationship is a big word. But lets narrow this one to just a relationship of a man and a woman. Narrowed it to Mr and Mrs.  Married?

Affair ke?¬† God I hate this word. So, lets not use it. I feel this is one point many of us keep on missing. Any intro to this relationship in a relationship is ‘affair’. Duh… I personally believe, some relationship is not even close to be categorized as an ‘affair’. Its just a relationship of two human beings that are in touch with each other. Really, many times thats about it.

So anyway,  this is a very sensitive thing i m aware but came accross too often that I feel the urge to pen this down. This topic simply means, having a relationship while being married.  I want to crack my head on this one finding all the whys and the answers, so let make this an open discussion while I extract how I see this issue from my one eye.

This has becoming ‘the’ thing nowadays. People dont feel guilty anymore. Well, it is merely a relationship maaa. Well to me, there are always pros and cons in anything. The results usually would depend¬†very much on how we deal with it.

While it can be sinful, bad and all the bla bla thing,  it can also enhance one person as a an individual. It can be a good thing, again depends on how we handle this thing. It may make oneself a better individual really and it can.

Oneself¬†look forward to life in a happier mood, thats one thing.¬†Therefore, it will enhance our health. Less stress and happier?¬†¬†They make better decisions because¬†they are fully aware of what¬†they want in¬†their life with¬†their present commitments.¬† Whoever they are, are¬†wide awake in realizing that¬†they have already committed¬†in a relationship, therefore¬†they usually¬†set¬†their boundaries.¬† Decicions are better made because they know what they want in life. Oneself also see things cleary while already in a¬†relationship and into another relationship simply because they know already what to expect.¬† Nothing really differ in any relationship in this universe. The requirements and the results would mostly be the same, trust me, so what’s new.¬† They¬†are the expert?? ūüôā

As complicated as it may seem to some people, now come the whys part.  Well, again I think many many things actually contribute to this one. No one to blame really. It just happened.  Some may go looking but mostly it just took place. Full stop. Reason for the full stop because I think personally, if we really go looking around for reasons, we wont have enough time in our history of living to actually explain our heart out for the reasons.  It just happened, one way or another.

Before any of us can actually realize what is going one, the other relationship is ongoing already.

I sincerely hope should one fine day (hopefully the day is ‘really’ fine) any of us¬†is in a relationship and into another relationship, please ketuk-ketuk (my fovourite word ūüôā ) our head and remind ourself to be cautious of what is going on.¬†Now that is very crucial and important.

The worst thing that could happen and please avoid to happen is if another human being is being hurt.¬† ūüė¶

Possible it is but lets work our heart out of not hurting another soul. Amen.

I am not good at advising, but like I said, its been banging inside my head. Been asked and discussed too many times and I  just need to put this down.  So, while reminding myself to be careful as well with this delicate situation, I hope this can be sort of a reminder for many of us who is currently in a relationship and going towards another relationship.

Again, least to offend anybody, it is indeed just a reminder for myself ultimately ūüôā



There’s a hero

If you look inside  your heart

You don’t have to be afraid

Of what U are

There’s an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a Hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you’ll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Its a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

Ad the emptiness you felt

Will dissapear

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don’t let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You’ll find the way

(¬†Errr did you just read it guys?¬† Oops… hope you feel good! ūüôā )

My Syaza Irdina Blossomly Turns Four !

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Hey Hey people ūüôā

31st July 2007. It is Syaza birth day today. She will turn Four later maghrib time. Empat tayun!  So to her,  May Allah blesses you with love, health and all the happiness in the world. One of my many doa is that today, please stop hisap jari!

Syaza actually has a history on her own. She was scanned and the doctor told me there is a ‘boy’ inside my stomach. I lived with that news until I am into my sixth month of pregnancy.

On that day, when she finally turned ‘girl’ (hehe) i remember crying outloud in the doctor’s room.¬† Why the cry? Well, stupid me eh. Fact that today,¬†I thank Allah everyday that she came out as healthy (as a girl) ¬†as you can imagine.

The wonder part if you ask me, now that she is four, again blame it on my stupidity, she can easily  be mistaken for a boy if not for her cutie face. Why? Ok one thing, she is so lasak and rough like a boy, i tell you. The other day, when we actually bought her a new baju, she was like, rock man!!  OMG

So, moral of the story is,¬†as strange as it may sound to believe, the connection emotionally that we have as a mother and the unborn baby is¬†indeed can be so¬†true. ¬†Call it myth or whatever but Syaza has proven me wrong? While carrying her for that first six months, and being dillusioned with the idea that I was pregnant with a boy (blame it on the wrong diagnosis by the Doctor-lah), I definitely pictured how a son would be inside my head not knowing that ‘boy’ is actually ‘syaza’ ūüôā

Personally and quite honestly, I sort of very much looking forward for a son then! And look what happen to her today ūüôā

Today, if you ask her whether she is a princess,¬† you easily will¬†say something like, ‘NO WAY !’ or even perhaps ‘I M ROCK MAN!’¬†. She wears jeans 25 hours in a day, even her pyjamas sometimes has to be jeans or else she will bug you like nobody business.¬† Sometimes, I feel like she is apprearing as a girl in a skin of a boy ūüėÄ

Okay okay, I took half of the blame coz back then, my emotion said she was a¬†boy and emotionally¬†gearing for one. Hmm…¬†Not so brilliant eh. Well,¬†all mothers to be out there, go figure !

Have a gud day!

FRIENDSHIP – Class of 1988

Hey ūüôā

 Me and few friends are in the midst of organizing a get together with our ITM SS 10 Class of 1988, Kota Bharu/Kuantan Branch. It has been quite some time since we planned this actually. I managed to gather quite a number of friends already but seemed to be unable to get a suitable date just yet. I am working hard on this really and very much looking forward for this to happen very soon. Amen.

Anyway, personally, from the most bottom of my heart, friends or friendship are my most favorite word to which I utterred at least five times in a day. I am who i am today majorly for the friends that I have around me eversince I know how to befriend and what friends really means.

Believe or not my favourite tagline is, husband leaves but friends dont?  Ask me why i said this, I also dont know man but one thing for sure, I have experienced how my friends would stood and fought with me on many difficult times when even a family member can only show sympathy, no more no less.

God I treasure friendship. Cant really live without them. No doubt along the way, we came accross all sorts eh. The best ones are who actually speaks the truth even truth hurts coz we need to know the truth.  We may curse, bertekak or whatever but at the end of the day, they do it coz they love us. Thats it.

Oh and the worst one? The ones who stab. Worst, they stabbed from the back!. Its like OMG!  As best pal or friend, only God knows how much stories or happenings that we confide in each other. Its like we trust with our heart, but at the end of very day, the stories are used against you! Oh man, it bled badly i tell you. For a moment, you wished this sort of friend death!  hehe

¬†Some friends keep in touch and some dont.¬† Well, its a busy world indeed.¬† But good friends¬†are never far really.¬† They are nowhere else but in¬†our heart ūüôā

To my friends all over the horizon, lets grow old together, shall we?¬†ūüôā . We¬† might even berbesan (ha ha ha).¬† And i guess, this is where one wise friend of mine concluded, friends thats turn family !

 Cheers !

Marry or Not To Marry?

Hey ūüôā

One of the favourite thing that many people do nowadays¬†is getting married. Its like the ultimate thing in life? Oops… it is not afterall?

 Ok fine.  An outstation friend over YM chat imposed a typical question to me the other day that really knock my head. He loves me, but why is he delaying in proposing? What is there to wait? Do I wait?

Hmmm. Without even thinking (for serious, i hope) i said well he should not.  Personally, I have always believe that marriage is one thing that many of us do without even thinking. We just loving. What is there to think anyway!.  See this is what went wrong. Thinking too much when it comes to marry or not to marry.

Love, I believe is one noun that none of us really understand what it means. Trust me we dont. We say it often enough that we dont even understand what it means anymore.  We thought we love, but at the end of the day, we leave?  We feel love but again, we curse?  Well, till today I still cannot figure out how can someone who actually say, I love you only decides to walk out or leaves after say, 20 years or 3 years of loving. Wow there is an end to love? Think about it.  I dont love and stop loving.  If you really love, love it is. Full stop.

Thing is, live to this challenge my friend. If you think marriage is the answer, please do it. Dont think.¬†But if you feel the need to think and believe me, thats not a good sign.¬† As simple as that. I thank God that I dont think that much back then. He he ūüôā

Do you think then, gang?


Hey ūüôā

24 July.¬† Its another birth day of the person I love almost¬†most in my life.¬† While wishing him all the Doa and happiness in the world, i must say somehow or rather birthdays has always been¬†a major ‘thing’ in my life.

Many dont really do this birth day thing, i m sure while many also looking forward to it. But perhaps today would be a good time for us to ponder how important and extravaganza this event is. Birth and day (Birthday) is definitely a significant event in women’s one life i m sure. What more if she is a mother, its like hey, its the ‘birth’ day of may be the first, second, third, bla bla so forth of birth of her children. Its like a rememberance of those long anxiety. The pain, the wait, the curiousity, the joy, the gratefulness you name it of that ‘forever’ nine months till the birth day finally appears ūüôā

As for us as human, our day of birth would be a remarkable benchmark to actually make a pause, take a deep breath, look back and hey, what have I ve achieved? What have i become in this short life of ours.  We are all busy people i understand, so this would be a good moment in time to just make a short pause and think. Perhaps, this Birth Day would be a good start to even plan ahead what we want to be on our next birth day ? Hmmm

So anyway, to those who celebrate birthday today, its your day man! Enjoy!

May Allah blesses and may happiness will be our ultimate achievement of all time as years passes to mark our another birthday !

Take care.