Remembering mom & childhood…

I had kopi O for breakfast today. And was remembering my mom, her kopi and childhood. Al Fatihah for Arwah Mek! 😦

Being here today at my humble and comfort home with delicious breakfast on the table, kipas di atas kepala agar nyaman, listening to radio that we had in our kitchen that lift the whole ambience, I am so syukur syukur for nikmat dan keselesaan yang Allah SWT berikan.

Back then, at the age of 10, I would always follow arwah to ‘menoreh getah’ and some other kerja kampung that she did – menanam jagung and stuff. Yup, I am never ashamed of who I was before. One kampung girl happily living through her childhood. It was only me and arwah mek. I am the youngest, so the rest have moved on with their life.

My normal day would be – walking to school – cooked my own lunch (my typical lunch will be nasi, ikan rebus goreng and budu), but it had fed me and Alhamdulillah besar pun sampai sekarang 🙂 – kemas rumah and would wait for mek to come back and helped her with her chores.

Yeah I had none memories of holidaying or shopping together with Mek like most of us usually had with our family. Yeah I did not capture tons of photos with Mek that I could upload in some blog or fb…but remembering her and memory with her had lived eternally inside of me. With me. And I love her with all my heart and soul. An eternal love that would bring joy and tears at the same time just thinking about her 😦

In Syaa Allah I will always have her in every doa and solat…

And I missed her 😦 very much!

She is not here with me anymore, to see who had I become 😦 where she and my childhood has brought me now.

My anak-anak tak kenal pun arwah Nenek mereka (my mom) …

But her memories are with us always and I would be repeating the same old stories to my children again and again about her, about how strong she embraced her difficult life without a husband, about raising her five children. About who I was and where I came from.

I had a rough yet memorable and beautiful childhood years! With my Chopper bicycle and all!!, I had swam in sungai, memanjat segala jenis pokok, mencari etok di sungai ! – gosh, I have done them all !!

Poor my kids eh. Balik kampung pun boleh bilang jari jer.

How wonderful would it be if my mom is here today with us. To live comforably with me, berehat dan hanya beramal ibadat. That she does not have to got up at dawn anymore untuk keluar mencari sesuap rezeki for us.

So she could sleep in some Dunlopillo bed and had beautiful dreams 😦 at night.

And she could come and shopping with me. So she could buy anything at all that she never had before 😦

*crying* 😦 …

Allah SWT had better plans, for both of us, I had faith!

Mudahan Allah SWT mengasihi Mek sepertimana dia mengasihi aku dan anak-anaknya yang lain.  Ya Allah, ampunkan segala dosa-dosa arwah Ibuku, Allayarhamah Lijah bt Awang.

Ya Allah, aku pohon agar semua solat Mek, sedekah dan amalan baik Mek, diterima oleh Allah SWT. Mudahan Mek mendapat syafaat Nabi Muhammad SWT and dilapangkan kubur Mek hingga Hari Pembalasan, amin amin Ya Rob!!

Ya Allah, I missed her each day that passed and with each breath that I took.. 😦

And miss her nasi goreng budu too.. sigh.

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