There are lot of things going through my mind right now. Thank god most of the time I am sober. Bittersweet in life has taught me many things. I broke down and cry sometimes. But I got up soon after. Many tiny souls need me. I have to be strong and I will. For the shoulders that I have cried on, thank you!

You kept your opinion but believe in me. Im glad that I have and had found you.

As I lay on my bed right now, night is cold and Im hoping to fall asleep. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day!

Sleep well 🙂

Oh Ajin !

My sweetheart yang ini hari nih pergi lawatan sekolah tadika dia. Ke kilang coklat Beryls.

As he arrived home only awhile ago, he called me in the office and said this,

“Ibu kasik kita RM10 jer, kalau Ibu kasik RM20 tadi, kita beli coklat untuk Ibu sekali tau”…


My heart melts hokay?


Ada seorang adik merangkap sahabat di alam maya.  Nama dia Hannah Johary.  Today she wrote about THIS And I was going down a memory lane while leaving a comment to soothe her.  I know it was nothing much but I hope, it helps!

Five kids. Five pembawaan. Five peel. Five agony. Five experience but magically, the very best of the best of five moments that I could ever want or ask! Alhamdulillah.

I was going through my picasa mencari the best photo to share while narrating this post, but this is the best I could find. Sorry Abang Ngah! hehe.  You are not in these photos, but you are tattooed in my heart till end of my time 🙂

Once upon a time, mereka amat tiut dan kecil.  Ini Along Miza, Sarah, Syaza and baby Ajin taken in 2005.  Ajin was barely one year old.

Ini anak-anak itew yang sama, tetapi di dalam versi yang lebih baru.  Taken this hari raya.  The same very four! (sori ek abang ngah.. muahs love you.)

But this is the story that I want to relate to echo to Hannah’s posting on pembawaan budak.

With my eldest Miza, being the number one, semua pengalaman adalah baru.  New hormon, new mood, new hope… semuanya adalah baru. Tetapi yang baru itu lah, to be quite frank that endangered both my life and hers 17 years ago.

I had a terrible morning sickness that was beyond anyone’s imagination during the inital weeks of pregnancy with her.  For a moment, I thought then, I could die if I continued to be sickly like that.  hehe.  Elo don’t blame me, I was only 23 when I had her hokay? But anyways, with her, I was in and out PUSRAWI hospital for numerous time. 

During one of the stay there, as I was prescribed Stemetil (ubat tahan muntah yang sangat common) but sadly, Im allergic to it.  My tougue jadi pendek and mata sudah terbeliak! Teribble, terrible experience! Kata doktor, Im one in a million yang terpilih 🙂 But big NO of Stemetil for me ever since.

With Abang Ngah pulak (tiada dalam photo), again I was in and out from hospital because of severe morning sickness also.  My doctor was concern takut baby dehydrated, so I just could not recalled the number of bottle drips that I had when I was carrying my first son.  With him, also, I had difficulty sleeping and headache yang tidak boleh describe.. It just won’t go away!

With Sarah pulak, I was sleeping most of the time.  Penat dia lain macam.  The only time, I did not tidur was when I was in the office. Beyond those hours, I would be in bed sleeping! combined with miserable morning sickess also.

With Syaza, the number four pulak – with the usual morning sickness but very very emotional most of the time. I cried so much when I was carrying her that I was not gaining proper weight being a pregnant lady.  She came out the smallest out of five.  Kesian Kak Aja kan?  hehe.

With our little one, Ajin Piji pulak – pembawaan dia pula also severe morning sickness. I vomitted so much sampai semua warna keluar :).  Serious.

Brushing teeth in the morning was horror.  SEMUA dan SEGALA benda around me smelt so busuk!  I practically locked myself in the room like 24/7 sebab segala bau-bau itew!

🙂 funny kan?

Well, like I said, ask me again today, would I trade those ‘horrible’ moments for anything else in this life? No way!!!!  They are the best and I am loving it.

To Hannah, seize this time and blog about it 17 years later!  Love you….

I can be a cracked egg…

……, how lucky I am when you just accept me for who I am, accept me regardless of my shortcomings and tantrums.

I have journeyed this life long enough. Seen too many, heard too much.  I even gone through most of it, myself.  Good and bad.  These two segments brings balance to my life.  The ying and the yang.  Too many good or bad stuff can be hazardous, so balance is the key.

One of many ‘balances’ that make sense to me are my friends.  They describe the meaning of true love. Friend is one of many good things that Allah provides.  Alhamdulillah, I have too many of good friends 🙂 *happy*

Sadly though, that over these years, I had also lost-contact-in the dark with many good childhood and school friends.  Our Work, the distances, families commitments and responsibilities have kept us parted.  Over the long time and years, perhaps we had become someone else and grew apart 😦  sigh.

To friendships that I am blessed with today, I just want to love and cherish them!   I doakan their well being in my prayers. I recount all the good times and also the bad times that we go through and syukur for all bits..  I love them unconditionally.  I care for them and their family and children.  I shared both their happiness and sadness, sincerely.

I hope I had been and want to be there during all celebrations, birthdays, anniversaries, engagements, weddings or hariraya. Even at every coffee outings, or just lepaking and merely not doing anything! All of them!

Perhaps, I am not good at saying it out loud, but to all my friends out there, I hope my presence has its weightage 🙂 and I indulged in the happiness of my friendships.  Thank you.

Being said all those, it really breaks my heart when once upon a time, ‘a friend’ turn back on me and left… Snap! *puke*

Tidak tercerita kesakitannya…skrin komputer empat segi ini rasa nak di hampuk pun yea gak! or I hampuk jer orang itew 😛