My blind side

Sudah berkali-kali kami dua orang lalu menda yang sama.  Too many of a similar dance.

I was sure that I did my best and did not fret about it. That my consciense was crystal clear. I knew what I was doing . I chose only the best words and was trying hard. I was in my best behaviour and meant only well, yet I still failed? Not once but many ?

Is there something that I did or said? Or did not do or say perhaps that had caused the empty spots instead?  May be that it was never meant to be at the first place?

I have been in this awkward moment too many of a time… And when Im all low and lost, and realized  these blank spots, I wondered to myself what actually went wrong?

At which juncture that I missed to see or failed to say that could have made it work ?

You…

Yes please you…please enlighten me with this one. I need to know what I had missed and now experiencing these blind sides.

It is deliberating and it is breaking my heart.  Everytime. 

Everytime when we go through that same very thing again and again, I still did not know what went wrong !..  But I know in my wishful thinking is that, I have had always meant well.

If only you knew that it has always be for the well being of you. I wish you’d knew that in this big heart of mine, everything that I did or do, or that I did not do or does – it has always been about you.

I do know that every proud man crossed many hath but I do not want to be proud.

I just want you to be happy. And that whatever your heart desires will one day come true…

With every single breath that I take, I faithfully count my blessing and my prayers is that you do too darling and may Allah SWT spares all each and every bit of happiness for you forever.

I am truly sorry about tonite if I break your heart and hopes 😦 but your tomorrow is both our sunshine and I love you more than anything!  Even death could never take this feeling away from me.

But at the end, I will never give up on you. Sampai mati. Take that.

Entry sedih :(

The week is ending.  I should be jumping. Happy. But am not 😦

Whenever Im in the state of ‘not knowing’, I will have stuff loading in my thoughts and will exhaust my sanity.

They say, a person’s ego can be as big as Texas, hence in my case right now is my sadness.

The only thing that keep me going is my love for my family and my buddies. sighhh

And here they are…

Cerita panjang – sangat panjang.

Cerita pendek – they are back in Malaysia from the past two weeks after almost 7 years.

They say, photo speaks a thousand words kan.  🙂

The Number 4 – Fatimah.

The Number 3 – Khadijah.

from left, Fatimah, The Number 2 Aishah and Khadijah.

From left : Fatimah, The Number 5 Aminah, Aishah and Khadijah.

My gurl, Sarah and the Aussie gurls 🙂

My Bro-in-laws. The one in songkok is our Along.

My favourite guys 🙂

The Aussie cuzons from different angle 🙂

Dont wait another 7 years to come back ay.. 🙂