Sigh

😦

I was talking to my sister awhile ago.  She conveyed one shocking news that troubled me.

Frankly, I cant really be bothered with anything in this life unless it concerns my children or my other half. Seriously, other than that, I dont really care much about what is happening in other people’s life.  I got like sejuta things in my head myself. Why bother about others.

I always believe that life is just like a circle. You will always come back to where you started. What goes around, usually comes around. Hence with that, I try not to get involved too much with other people’s problems or stories.  I try not to get carried away with too many unnessary things, really.

When I was growing up, I was totally the opposite. I remember thinking and worrying too much. I think and worry about almost anything.  Seriously I did.

 

Alhamdulilalh tho, Allah is so Maha Great, I sihat pulak.  Touch wood, but so far I am thankful and blessed with so many things from Allah including ‘tough’ health.

But, now I am worried for my eldest sister. She is 59 years old. Recently, her sugar level has gone up a bit and she is currently on medication for diabetic. When I was back for raya the other day, she looked so kurus and worried. I tried not to ask her too much but it was too obv ious that she is worried. Her eyes so cengkung and even when she tried to smile, the sadness was all over in her teary eyes.

Eventually, she did not tell me much. But somehow, from other sources, I came to know few things that worrying her. I feel her. Feel bad at the same time for there is nothing I can do to help. I am here in KL. She is there in Kelantan. Ok fine, when I am back, I talked to her about stuff, but when I m here, she is dealing with all those all by herself.

I still got one bro, one other sister and quite a number of nieces and nephews there. Most of them are between 33-6 years old. Being the eldest sister without a mom and a dad, she ended being all of the above. She is  our mother. She is our father. She is the makcik and pak cik to my nieces and nephews. The wife. The mother to her own kids, and grandmother to her grandchildren.

Sigh.

I really dont know how to help her. I tried to talk senses to her, but even she listened, I know she got ideas on her own. She is indeed a ‘kak long’ because of this sense of ‘responsibility’ that she just cannot denied being the eldest among all, I supposed she felt responsible for us all. Of what happened. I wished I can tell her to believe that hey, it is not ALL your fault. Some things just happened.

I wish I can go home more often and talk to her more often. I know she is worried and now I am worried for her health. She is not young anymore. She needs to take care of herself. I told her that just now and I hope she knows that I really really mean it 😦

Hmmm. 

I love her so much and my  never-ending prayers and doa for her health and happiness. Amen. 😦

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