Yeah ok, I realized I posted too many birthday things here. Well, I do love birthdays, very much. So what a heck eh.
Anyway, feel like sharing this.
According to my sister – need to get this part of the story from her coz my most lovinglest (got aa the word?) and loveliest mom passed away sixteen years ago, even she is very much with me at heart till this very moment 😦 .
She said, that joyful day was Maulidul Rasul. She was busy watching televisyen from the neighbour’s house then (we did not owe any tv set until I was perhaps five years old kot). So anyway, she said that was the day and time when I actually came crying into this world.
They said lot of things while wishing me and wanting to make me feel good about growing old (err guys, i dont? 🙂 ). They say, its just a number lah, no age in youth lah, its not another year older but wiser lah.. well, thank you guys. It worked okay. I did feel good. Infact, I felt great. Never a second that passed, I did not syukur for what Allah SWT has been showering me. I am blessed with so much happiness and love, not too mention joy. Not a day passed that I allowed myself to forget how lucky I have been. Alhamdulillah and syukur.
But I had thing tingy ‘thing’ feeling inside of me everytime this day approaching and nearing. I feel so lost. I know I am happy but lost. I hope there is an easier word or method in saying this but there is none really. Sigh.
How complicated this may sound, happy but lost? You know what, I want to name this uneasy feeling of mine. This feeling that I always had everytime this day fast approaching – I want to name it ‘angin harijadi’. Ha ha ha. Cun gak tuh. ahaks.
Sometimes I wish I know what tomorrow and tomorrow holds for me. Dont we all want to know? Yeah, I can be very impatient sometimes. Well, its not that I ‘really’ want to know but it just want to prepare myself of what is ahead and in store for me. I hate to be caught unprepared. Unnoticed. Its like, how I wish this and how I wish that… how I wish things do happen differently.
I know I would feel better after I penned this down and that is the only reason why I am doing this. I always talk to myself. And, I realized one thing, I felt so much better soon after that. And now that I am into this blogging thing (dont they have a better name to call this anyway), I am still talking to myself but in form of typing it coz while typing this I am also actually talking to myself. God, apa mengarut saya nih.
So anyway, its 6 Aug today. Yep tomorrow is the day. My birthday. Again. Sigh.